Quasimodo
Why did Quasimodo's wife buy him a wok?
To iron his shirts.
Clothes
Patient: What's the best way to avoid getting wrinkles?
Doctor: Don't sleep in your clothes.
Politicians
The government claims it's following the will of the people. I didn't even know we'd died!
Christmas
Christmas is a holiday on which neither the past nor the future is as important as the present.
Death
A fate worse than death is better than dying
Breath
Halitosis is better than no breath at all
Football
Football is only a game - until your team loses.
Blondes
What is the difference between a beautiful blonde and a grocery store shopping cart?
The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Dizzy
Why did the Boy Scout become dizzy?
Because he spent all day doing good turns.