A famous footballer died, went to Heaven, and was greeted by St Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Who are you?' inquired the saint.
'What did you do on earth?'
'I was a footballer.'
'Oh, and where are your boots?'
'I left them on earth.'
'Well, hurry back and get them - we're playing a match against Hell tonight.'
Billy: I can't believe I just missed that open goal. I could kick myself.
Johnny: Don't bother, you'd probably miss.
Customer: Do you sell football boots?
Store Assistant: Sure. What size is your football?
Did you hear about the baby ghost who applied to join the football team?
He heard the manager say they needed a little team spirit.
Did you hear about the new Scottish football team whose players don't know each other?
They're Did you hear about the new Scottish football team whose players don't know each other?
They're called Glasgow Strangers.
Football is only a game - until your team loses.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Money.
Money who?
Money is stiff; I hurt it playing football.
What breed of dog would you want on your American football team?
A golden receiver.
What do they use to serve lunch to football players?
The Souper Bowl.
What is a football supporter's favorite Christmas song?
Yule never walk alone.
What type of dogs are always welcome at football games?
Hot dogs.
Where do footballers dance?
At a football.