A man went into a grocer's and saw a sign: 'Normal eggs 30p a dozen, square eggs 50p a dozen.' He asked the manager what the extra twenty pence was for.
'Ah,' came the reply, 'that's danger money for the chicken.'
Did you hear about the man who stole a truckload of eggs?
He has returned them. Apparently he only did it for a yolk.
Did you hear the one about the egg?
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Diner: Waiter, these eggs are runny.
Waiter: Why do you say that, sir?
Because one just ran out the door.
How can you drop an egg six feet without it breaking?
By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.
My brother said to my mum, 'It's not fair. I was just about to fight Johnny Jenkins when my sister threw rotten eggs at me.'
My mum said, 'Lucy, what did you do that for?'
She said, 'I was egging him on.'
My uncle was talking to this egg. He said, 'I'm ever so sorry, little egg, but I'm about to fry you.'
The egg said, 'Are you having me on?'
My uncle said, 'Of course I am. I'm having you on toast.'
The doctor said to this chap, 'I'm afraid you've only got five minutes left to live.'
The chap said, 'Doctor, that's terrible. What can you do for me?'
The doctor said, 'I'll boil you an egg if you like.'
There were these two eggs in the monastery frying pan. One said to the other, 'You know something? Any minute now, it's going to be out of the frying pan into the friar.'
Two guys go into a small diner for breakfast, the waitress comes up and asks for their order. 'I'll have two eggs over easy, toast, and juice.' the first man says. 'And I'll have two eggs scrambled, toast, and juice in a clean glass' says the other. The waitress comes some time later and asks '...now who gets the clean glass?'
What did the egg in the monastery say?
'Out of the frying pan, into the friar.'
What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
An egg.