Politicians
Why don't political leaders have all the answers until they write their memoirs?
Girlfriends
Fred: My girlfriend spends hours in front of the mirror admiring her beauty. Do you think that's vanity?
George: No, it's just imagination.
Blondes
What work does a blonde do in an M&M factory? Proofreading.
Babies
Why is an old car like a baby?
Because it always has a rattle.
Lawyers
Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.
Cars
Men are like Used Cars.
Both are easy to get, cheap, and they prove to be unreliable.
Waiters
Waiter, waiter, what do you recommend for my lunch?
For you, sir, I would recommend a diet.
Parties
What do you call a party held in a basement?
A cellar-bration.
Hair
Is that your hair, or has someone poured a plate of spaghetti over your head?