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Joke Topic - 'Drunk'


Here are 6 jokes on the topic - 'Drunk'.

Related Topics: Bartenders (2) Bars (20) Barman (5) Beer (14) Bartender (2) Drunks (17)
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A drunken man at a party went up to a strange woman and embraced her clumsily. She slapped his face. 'I'm so sorry,' he said, 'I thought you were my wife.' 'Huh,' said the woman, 'You'd be a fine husband to have. Just look at you - a drunken, clumsy, disgusting brute.' 'Good heavens,' said the drunk, 'you talk like her, too.'
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A man came back from a party very drunk and just as he was creeping in by the front door he heard his wife moving upstairs. 'Oh - oh,' he thought, 'she mustn't think I've been drinking. I know, I'll pretend I've been reading all evening.' So he put the plan into action, went into the sitting-room and sat down. After a few minutes the door opened and his wife peered in. 'What do you think you're doing?' she asked. 'Reading, dear, just reading.' 'Shut up, you drunken idiot,' said the wife. 'Now close that suitcase and come to bed.'
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I'm not as you think as you drunk I am.
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Ossifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
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The drunker I sit here, the longer I get.
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Why is it that drunks never spill drinks on other drunks?


Here are some randomly selected joke topics

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Bars

What do you call a woman who goes into a bar and starts to juggle with the drinks?
Beatrix (beer tricks).
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Men

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
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Teflon

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the frying pan?
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Mother-in-law

'Oh, Nigel, I hear you buried you mother-in-law last week.' 'Had to... she was dead.'
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Turkeys

Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of foul play.
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Mummy

Why was the mummy so tense?
He was all wound up!
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Count Dracula

Why did Count Dracula want to become an actor?
He said it was in his blood.
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Christmas Eve

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus on Christmas Eve?
Well, that wraps it up for another year.
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Pencil

Did you hear the story about the broken pencil?
I'd better not tell it to you, there's no point to it.

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