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Joke Topic - 'Drunk'


Here are 6 jokes on the topic - 'Drunk'.

Related Topics: Bartenders (2) Bars (20) Barman (5) Beer (14) Bartender (2) Drunks (17)
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A drunken man at a party went up to a strange woman and embraced her clumsily. She slapped his face. 'I'm so sorry,' he said, 'I thought you were my wife.' 'Huh,' said the woman, 'You'd be a fine husband to have. Just look at you - a drunken, clumsy, disgusting brute.' 'Good heavens,' said the drunk, 'you talk like her, too.'
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A man came back from a party very drunk and just as he was creeping in by the front door he heard his wife moving upstairs. 'Oh - oh,' he thought, 'she mustn't think I've been drinking. I know, I'll pretend I've been reading all evening.' So he put the plan into action, went into the sitting-room and sat down. After a few minutes the door opened and his wife peered in. 'What do you think you're doing?' she asked. 'Reading, dear, just reading.' 'Shut up, you drunken idiot,' said the wife. 'Now close that suitcase and come to bed.'
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I'm not as you think as you drunk I am.
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Ossifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
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The drunker I sit here, the longer I get.
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Why is it that drunks never spill drinks on other drunks?


Here are some randomly selected joke topics

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Frogs

What happens to frogs that are illegally parked?
They get toad away.
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Cats

What did the female cat say to the male cat?
You're the purrfect cat for me.
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Christmas

In Britain, what do they call Christmas?
Yule Britannia.
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Hotels

Hotel Guest: 'Can you give me a room and a bath, please?'
Receptionist: 'I can give you a room, but you'll have to take your own bath.'
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Watch

Joe: He must be in the watch business.
Bill: Whatever gave you that idea?
Joe: Whenever I work. he watches.
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Cows

What do you get if you cross a cow with a famous hunchback?
Quasi-moo-do.
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Snails

I don't eat snails - I only eat fast food.
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Chickens

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross again?
He wanted to be a dirty double crosser.
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Driving

Police Officer: Why are you driving you car wearing only a bathing suit?
Motorist: I'm in a car pool.

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