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Joke Topic - 'Drunk'


Here are 6 jokes on the topic - 'Drunk'.

Related Topics: Bartenders (2) Bars (20) Barman (5) Beer (14) Bartender (2) Drunks (17)
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A drunken man at a party went up to a strange woman and embraced her clumsily. She slapped his face. 'I'm so sorry,' he said, 'I thought you were my wife.' 'Huh,' said the woman, 'You'd be a fine husband to have. Just look at you - a drunken, clumsy, disgusting brute.' 'Good heavens,' said the drunk, 'you talk like her, too.'
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A man came back from a party very drunk and just as he was creeping in by the front door he heard his wife moving upstairs. 'Oh - oh,' he thought, 'she mustn't think I've been drinking. I know, I'll pretend I've been reading all evening.' So he put the plan into action, went into the sitting-room and sat down. After a few minutes the door opened and his wife peered in. 'What do you think you're doing?' she asked. 'Reading, dear, just reading.' 'Shut up, you drunken idiot,' said the wife. 'Now close that suitcase and come to bed.'
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I'm not as you think as you drunk I am.
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Ossifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
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The drunker I sit here, the longer I get.
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Why is it that drunks never spill drinks on other drunks?


Here are some randomly selected joke topics

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Duck

What time does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
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Mother-in-law

I'm not saying the mother-in-law's ugly, but she uses her bottom lip as a shower cap.
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Cars

We were all in a car and it wouldn't start, so I told everyone to be quiet, and then it started right up! Why??
Cause it goes without saying...
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Lawyers

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer.
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Knock Knock

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Bea.
Bea who?
Be a good boy and let me in.
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Pigs

My uncle keeps a pig under his bed. I said, 'What about the smell?'
My uncle said, 'He doesn't mind that.'
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Fish

Did you hear about the a fish that wanted to borrow some money?
He went to visit the loan shark.
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Kitten

What do you call a glove for a baby cat?
A kitten mitten.
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Animals

What type of animal is no fun at a party?
A boar!

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