Doctor: I will examine you for twenty dollars.
Patient: Go ahead, Doctor. If you find it, you can have it.
Doctor: Nurse, I'm ready to see the next patient now. Can you send her in?
Nurse: Sorry, she didn't look very well, so I sent her home.
Doctor: So, tell me, what has brought you to this hospital?
Patient: An ambulance.
Doctor: The best time to take a bath is just before retiring.
Patient: You mean I don't need another bath until I'm sixty-five?
Doctor: The best time to take a bath is just before you retire.
Patient: You mean I don't need to take another bath until I'm sixty-five?
Doctor: Well, Mr Jones, I can't find anything wrong with you. It must be the drink.
Mr. Jones: OK, Doctor, I'll return in the morning when you're sober.
Fred visits an eye doctor. The receptionist asks him what the problem is. Fred says, 'I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.'
The receptionist asks, 'Have you ever seen a doctor?'
Fred replies, 'No, just spots.'
George: 'Do you know what Dr Williams's specializes in?'
Tom: Yeah, he diagnoses wallets.'
Good morning, doctor.'
'Good morning. What's the trouble?'
My shins, doctor. Look.'
'Good heavens. They're all hacked to pieces. Looks as if everyone's been kicking you. What have you been playing - soccer or rugby?'
'Bridge.'
How do you get your revenge on a doctor?
Give him a taste of his own medicine.
How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one to pronounce the old bulb died from natural causes and sign the death certificate.
I went to the doctor; it was pretty serious. He gave me six months to live. But he gave me another six months when I couldn't pay his bill.