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Joke Topic - 'Doctors' - Page 11 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
Patient: I have a splinter in my finger.
Doctor: Well, that's what you get for scratching your head.
2>Doctor: Well, that's what you get for scratching your head.
Patient: I want you to tell me the truth, doctor. Am I going to get better?
Doctor: Why, of course, you are. You'll get better even if it costs every penny you have.
2>Doctor: Why, of course, you are. You'll get better even if it costs every penny you have.
Patient: I'm leaving if the doctor can't see me immediately.
Nurse: Calm yourself down. What's wrong with you?
Patient: I have a serious wait problem.
2>Nurse: Calm yourself down. What's wrong with you?
Patient: I have a serious wait problem.
Patient: I've been feeling a little off-color lately.
Doctor: Tell me what you have been eating recently.
Patient: I only eat snooker balls.
Doctor: Snooker balls?
Patient: Yes, I have a blue one for breakfast, a pink and a yellow one for lunch, red ones as snacks, and then a black one for dinner.
Doctor: Aha, I see what the problem is - you're not getting enough greens.
3>Doctor: Tell me what you have been eating recently.
Patient: I only eat snooker balls.
Doctor: Snooker balls?
Patient: Yes, I have a blue one for breakfast, a pink and a yellow one for lunch, red ones as snacks, and then a black one for dinner.
Doctor: Aha, I see what the problem is - you're not getting enough greens.
Patient: Please help me, Doctor. Whenever I look at my dog, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Doctor: Relax. Your dog is a Dalmatian.
2>Doctor: Relax. Your dog is a Dalmatian.
Patient: This morning, I was walking across a field and was trampled by some cows.
Doctor: So I herd.
2>Doctor: So I herd.
The doctor checked the patient's purse before deciding that there was no hope.
1>The Doctor received a frantic phone call from Mr. Jones, who explained that his wife, who always slept with her mouth open, had a mouse stuck in her throat.
'Don't worry, I'll be there in a few minutes,' answered the doctor. 'In the meantime, wave a piece of cheese in front of her mouth.'
When the doctor arrived, he saw Mr Jones was waving a large fish in front of his wife's face.
'What on earth are you doing?' exclaimed the doctor.
' I told you to wave cheese. Mice don't like fish.'
' I know,' Mr Jones gasped, 'but I have to get the cat out first.
4>'Don't worry, I'll be there in a few minutes,' answered the doctor. 'In the meantime, wave a piece of cheese in front of her mouth.'
When the doctor arrived, he saw Mr Jones was waving a large fish in front of his wife's face.
'What on earth are you doing?' exclaimed the doctor.
' I told you to wave cheese. Mice don't like fish.'
' I know,' Mr Jones gasped, 'but I have to get the cat out first.
The doctor said to this chap, 'I'm afraid you've only got five minutes left to live.'
The chap said, 'Doctor, that's terrible. What can you do for me?'
The doctor said, 'I'll boil you an egg if you like.'
3>The chap said, 'Doctor, that's terrible. What can you do for me?'
The doctor said, 'I'll boil you an egg if you like.'
The doctor said, 'Is your cough better now?'
My brother said, 'Oh yes, much better. I've been practising for weeks.'
2>My brother said, 'Oh yes, much better. I've been practising for weeks.'
The man said, 'That girl over there thinks she's a tonsil.'
My brother said, 'Well, she's very nicely dressed.'
The man said, 'You bet. She thinks the doctor's taking her out tonight.'
2>My brother said, 'Well, she's very nicely dressed.'
The man said, 'You bet. She thinks the doctor's taking her out tonight.'
The newly-qualified doctor was thrilled to be allowed to accompany the famous surgeon on his daily hospital rounds. He answered enthusiastically whenever his opinion was asked for, completely undaunted by the fact that his diagnoses were consistently wrong. In desperation, the surgeon took him aside and asked him: 'Have you ever considered becoming an economist?'
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