Psychiatrists
Why go to a psychiatrist when you can stay at home and talk to the ceiling for free?
Policemen
Where do policemen live?
999 Letsbe Avenue.
Bark
What has a bark but no bite?
A tree.
Intelligence
Shock me; say something intelligent.
Beer
Everyone has to believe in something
I believe I'll have another beer.
Monsters
What do you call a monster tree that wanders around the forest?
Frankenpine.
Getting Old
You know you're getting old when you turn out the lights for economic reasons instead of romantic ones.
Soup
Have you ever had chicken soup?
No, I've never known a chicken who could cook.
Cannibals
What's a cannibal's favorite meal?
Baked human beans.