Diner: Waiter, can you put this meal on my credit card?
Waiter: Sorry, sir. But I don't think it'll fit.
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Dating
Did you hear about the dating agency for chickens that went bankrupt last week?
They couldn't make hens meet.
Travel Agents
Man to travel agent: "Give me a ticket to the moon. I want to go there on vacation."
Agent: "Sorry sir, but the moon is full."
Married
Some women get even with their husbands by staying married to them.
Lawyers
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
The tick stops draining you and drops off after you're dead.
Blondes
What do you call a blonde with a brain cell?
GIFTED.
Blondes
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Dog
Mum, can I please have a dog for Christmas?
No, you will have turkey like everyone else!
Dogs
What do young dogs like to eat when watching a movie?
Pup-corn!
Lazy
Why did the lazy man apply for a job in the bakery?
Because he was a loafer.