Eating
What do huge sea monsters like to eat?
Fish and ships!
Dogs
How does a dog stop a DVD player when it gets to his favorite part of a movie?
He presses the paws button.
Teachers
Old teachers do not die; they simply lose their class.
Haunted
What should a gymnast do if he finds himself in a haunted house?
Exorcise.
Cannibals
Two cannibals were having lunch.
One cannibal said, 'Your wife makes a great soup.'
'Yes,' said the other one, 'but I'm sure gonna miss her.'
Fireflies
Why was the baby firefly awarded a prize at school?
Because he was very bright for his age.
Vampires
What do you get if you cross a vampire with some peanut butter?
A vampire that sticks to the roof of your mouth!
Apples
Mary: I think I know why your apples are so red.
Shopkeeper: Why?
Mary: Because they are blushing at the price you are charging for them.
Work
I find work to be fascinating. I could watch it for hours on end.