Stupid
I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War, my great-uncle fought for the West!
The Lottery
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water our chances of winning the lottery?
Bosses
We call our boss the caterpillar.
Why do they call him that?
He got where he is today by crawling.
Girlfriends
When I asked my girlfriend if I could see her home, she handed me a picture of it.
Teachers
Teacher: 'What is the outer part of a tree called?'
Pupil: 'I don't know sir.'
Teacher: 'Bark, boy, bark.'
Pupil: 'Woof-woof.'
Snow
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow good asking me
People
Who can tell people Where to get off and get away with it?
A bus driver.
Baseball
Why was the baseball player sent to jail?
Because he stole second base.
Television
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?