Pigs
Joe: My pig has lost his voice.
Jake: Really? I bet he is upset.
Joe: Oh yeah, he's disgruntled!
Eggs
How can you drop an egg six feet without it breaking?
By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.
Frogs
What happens when you drink Frognog?
You croak.
Astronauts
What does an astronaut use to keep up his trousers?
An asteroid belt.
Lightbulbs
How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They simply define darkness as an industry standard.
Skeletons
Why are skeletons always so calm?
Nothing can get under their skin.
Television
Bill: I was on the television last night.
George: Were you?
Bill: Yeah. When I'm drunk, I'll fall asleep anywhere.
Mistakes
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
Polar Bears
Did you hear about the polar bear who tried to eat a penguin?
He couldn't get the wrapper off.