Baseball
When is a baseball umpire like a telephone operator?
When he makes a call?
Trains
What do you get if you cross a locomotive with the author of Tom Sawyer?
A choo choo Twain.
Change A Lightbulb
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
How many doyouthink it takes?
Christmas
In Britain, what do they call Christmas?
Yule Britannia.
Husbands
Did you hear about the husband who took his wife for some plastic surgery?
He had her credit cards removed!
Work
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bach.
Bach who?
Bach to work.
Karate
Did you hear about the karate champion who enlisted in the army?
The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself.
Books
Bill: I just finished my first book.
Joe: Well done.
Bill: Thanks. Next year, I'm planning to read another one.
The Lottery
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water our chances of winning the lottery?