Joke Topic - 'Contact Lenses'

My mum said to my uncle, 'What's got four legs and flies?'
My uncle said, 'Don't tell me, the horse is dead.'

What do you get if you cross a mosquito and a knight of the round table?
A bite in shining armour.

Why is a book like a king?
Because they both have pages.

What do you call prehistoric sailing disasters?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

A seven year old going to his first carol service demanded indignantly when the collection plate came round, 'You mean we have to pay for this?'

Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.

Job Applicant: Have you got an opening for me?
Boss: Yes, and don't slam it on the way out.

What can run all day and never get tired?
Water.

If yesterday was today - today would be yesterday.