Gravity
Repeal the law of gravity
Christmas
Christmas is a holiday on which neither the past nor the future is as important as the present.
Books
What is black, white, and red all over?
A book.
Cars
This car is protected by Smith and Wesson
Snakes
Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous?
Mother snake: Yes, honey, but why do you want to know?
Baby snake: Well, I just bit my tongue.
Cowards
What is chunky, white, and cowardly?
Chicken salad.
Knock Knock
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Frank.
Frank who?
Frank you very much.
Dumb
Your mumma is so dumb she took a ruler 2 bed 2 see how long she slept!
Noses
How do you stop your nose running?
Hide its trainers.