Joke Topic - 'Christmas Party'

What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical?
Fiddler on the hoof.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

If tires hold up cars, what holds up airplanes?
Hijackers.

What is green and goes 'boing, boing, boing'?
A spring cabbage.

Men are like.....Used Cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap and they prove to be unreliable.

George: Mum, can I go and play in the park?
Mother: With those old jeans and t-shirt?
George: No, with my friends who live across the road.

What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set?
A boa constructor.

Did you hear about the glow-worm that got squashed?
It was de-lighted.

What did one firefly say to the other one?
Got to glow now.