If you have a fear of Santa Claus coming down your chimney at Christmas, are you suffering from Santaclaustrophobia?
In Britain, what do they call Christmas?
Yule Britannia.
Joe bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this rather extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted a Mercedes sports car."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake one of those?"
Joe: Did you get many Christmas presents?
Jack: I sure did. A lot more than my four brothers.
Joe: Why was that?
Jack: On Christmas morning I got up two hours before them.
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?
Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Raptor.
Raptor who?
Raptor presents before Christmas.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rapture.
Rapture who?
Rapture Christmas presents yet?
Mum, can I please have a dog for Christmas?
No, you will have turkey like everyone else!
Never mind the star - get those camels off my lawn!
Politics is the art of making it sound as if Father Christmas comes earlier in the year.