"I have good news and bad news," a defence attorney told his client.
"First the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene."
"Oh, no!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is down to 140."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Bird
How is a bird sitting on a fence like a coin?
Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.
Be Seeing You
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Al.
Al who?
Al be seeing you.
Waiters
Waiter, Waiter.
There's a fly in my soup.
What do you want me to do, call a lifeguard.
Monsters
What do you call a monster tree that wanders around the forest?
Frankenpine.
Tax
Don't overtax yourself, it's the governments job to do that.
Stairs
'Do these stairs take you to the second floor?'
'No. I'm afraid you have to walk.'
Mother-in-law
The shortest distance between two points is the route a man takes when driving his mother-in-law home.
Pirate Radio
Pirate radio rules the waves
Girlfriends
When her boyfriend actually agrees with her, she lets him have his own way.