Teenagers
How many TEENAGERS does it take to change a light bulb?
'Do it yourself - it's your house! What am I, some kind of personal slave or something?'
Journalists
How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb?
'We just report the facts, we don't change them.'
Ghosts
What do short-sighted ghosts wear?
Spooktacles.
Thieves
My credit card was stolen last Friday, but I decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than my wife.
Work
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
Computers
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
Work
Some people are like blisters
- they appear when the work is done
Dogs
Why did the Labrador dog cross the road?
To try and find a barking space.
Violins
What did the violin say to the harp?
May I string along with you?