Change A Lightbulb
How many British Rail staff does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One is to change the bulb, and one is to apologize for the delay.
Personality
You have a striking personality. How long has it been on strike?
Cows
What do you call a cow who likes to argue with her husband?
A bullfighter.
Santa Claus
How do you know that Santa is good at karate?
Because he has a black belt!
Computers
What do you get when you cross a dog and a computer?
A machine with a bark worse than its byte.
Blondes
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Christmas
What Christmas song does Tarzan always sing?
Jungle Bells.
Pianos
Do you play your piano by ear?
No, I play it by the open window to annoy my neighbors.
Knock Knock
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ross.
Ross who?
Ross beef and Yorkshire pudding.