Joke Topic - 'Cats' - Page 2 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories

How do cats greet each other at Christmas?
'I wish you a furry merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.'

Joe: I've got a cat who can say his name.
Bob: That's great! What's your cat's name?
Joe: Meow!

Knock, knock.
Who's There
Cat
Cat Who
Caterpilla

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Violet.
Violet who?
Violet the cat out of the bag.

Momma mouse was getting food in the kitchen with her baby when the cat pounced in. Snatching up the kid, Momma ran for the mousehole, but it was obvious she wasn't going to make it. Finally, in desperation, she whipped around and shouted 'Bark, Bark' at the cat. The cat skidded to a halt and ran away. Momma mouse turned to her baby and said, 'You see how important it is to learn a foreign language!'

My friend says that you can speak in cat language. Is it true?
Me - how?

My sister came running in from the kitchen. She said, 'Dad, there's a black cat out there.'
My dad said, 'So what? Black cats are lucky.'
My sister said, 'This one certainly is. It's just eaten your lunch.'

My uncle said, 'My cat got first prize in the budgie show.'
I said, 'That's impossible. Cats don't get prizes in budgie shows.'
My uncle said, 'No, a budgie got the prize, and my cat ate the budgie.'

Patient: I think I'm turning into a baby cat.
Doctor: I think your just kitten me.

Purranoia: the fear that your cats are plotting against you.

The Doctor received a frantic phone call from Mr. Jones, who explained that his wife, who always slept with her mouth open, had a mouse stuck in her throat.
'Don't worry, I'll be there in a few minutes,' answered the doctor. 'In the meantime, wave a piece of cheese in front of her mouth.'
When the doctor arrived, he saw Mr Jones was waving a large fish in front of his wife's face.
'What on earth are you doing?' exclaimed the doctor.
' I told you to wave cheese. Mice don't like fish.'
' I know,' Mr Jones gasped, 'but I have to get the cat out first.

This woman went to the doctor. She said, 'Doctor, my husband thinks he's a cat.'
The doctor said, 'How do you know that?'
She answered, 'Well, every night when I go to bed, there's this dreadful howling outside the window.
The doctor said, 'Yes, but are you sure that that's your husband?'
She said, 'Well, a cat wouldn't use language like that.'