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Joke Topic - 'Cars'
'You wouldn't think I'd bought this car second-hand, would you?'
'No, I thought you'd made it yourself.'
'No, I thought you'd made it yourself.'
A boss shows one of his staff his brand-new sports car. 'That is an amazing car,' the employee responds.
'Isn't it?' replies the boss. 'But if you can set your goals higher and work even harder this year, then I can get a much more expensive car next year.'
'Isn't it?' replies the boss. 'But if you can set your goals higher and work even harder this year, then I can get a much more expensive car next year.'
A man in a Jaguar passed a mini that had broken down by the side of the road. Being a kindly driver, he stopped and fixed a tow-rope to it and began towing it to the nearest garage.
After 10 minutes of towing, a Porsche passed them at high speed. The Jaguar driver would not be outdone by a Porsche, so, forgetting that he had a mini in tow, he slammed his foot down. The Jaguar and Porsche indulged in a high-speed race down the road, the Skoda and its occupant trailing wildly at the rope's end, frantically trying to attract their attention and failing.
A Police car saw them and gave chase. The Police driver radioed back to Headquarters, 'Sarge, you'll never believe this, I've just seen a Porsche and a Jaguar neck and neck doing 150 mph - and a bloke in a mini flashing his lights, blowing his horn and trying to overtake them!'
After 10 minutes of towing, a Porsche passed them at high speed. The Jaguar driver would not be outdone by a Porsche, so, forgetting that he had a mini in tow, he slammed his foot down. The Jaguar and Porsche indulged in a high-speed race down the road, the Skoda and its occupant trailing wildly at the rope's end, frantically trying to attract their attention and failing.
A Police car saw them and gave chase. The Police driver radioed back to Headquarters, 'Sarge, you'll never believe this, I've just seen a Porsche and a Jaguar neck and neck doing 150 mph - and a bloke in a mini flashing his lights, blowing his horn and trying to overtake them!'
A man in his forties purchased a new BMW and was on the interstate for an evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was sweeping through what was left of his hair, and he decided to see how fast she could go.
After accelerating to 80 mph, he spotted flashing red and blue lights behind him.
He opened her up even more, thinking to himself, "There's no way they can catch a BMW." The speedometer reached 90, 100, and suddenly, he realized how serious things were. The man wondered to himself, "What on earth am I doing?" and decided to stop.
The cop approached him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car.
'It has been a tiring day.' It's the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like doing any more paperwork, so if you can give me an original excuse for why you were speeding, you can leave.
After giving it some thought, the man replies, "My wife ran off with a cop last week." I thought you could be attempting to return her.
'Have a nice weekend,' said the officer.
After accelerating to 80 mph, he spotted flashing red and blue lights behind him.
He opened her up even more, thinking to himself, "There's no way they can catch a BMW." The speedometer reached 90, 100, and suddenly, he realized how serious things were. The man wondered to himself, "What on earth am I doing?" and decided to stop.
The cop approached him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car.
'It has been a tiring day.' It's the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like doing any more paperwork, so if you can give me an original excuse for why you were speeding, you can leave.
After giving it some thought, the man replies, "My wife ran off with a cop last week." I thought you could be attempting to return her.
'Have a nice weekend,' said the officer.
A policeman walked over to a parked car and asked the driver if the car was licensed. 'Of course it is,' replied the driver.
'Great, I'll have a pint then.'
'Great, I'll have a pint then.'
Did you hear about the idiot who buried his car battery when the auto mechanic told him that it was dead?
Did you hear about the man who fitted snow tires to his car?
They melted.
They melted.
Did you hear about the man who lost control of his car?
He didn't keep up with the payments on it.
He didn't keep up with the payments on it.
Do me a favor: Steal this car.
If this car was a horse, I'd have to shoot it.
If tires hold up cars, what holds up airplanes?
Hijackers.
Hijackers.
Just as I was getting into my car, and this guy asked, 'Can you give me a ride?' I enthusiastically replied, 'Absolutely, you look fantastic! The possibilities are endless, so seize the moment and go for it!'