Politicians
Politicians deal with the public on the basis of the mushroom policy: Keep them in the dark and feed them manure.
King Kong
Why did King Kong buy 15 pairs of shoes?
Because he was a 30-foot monster.
Water
Diner: Waiter, this water is cloudy.
Waiter: No, it isn't, sir. It's the glass that's dirty.
Vacations
What do Paddington Bear and Winnie The Pooh pack when they go on vacation?
The bear essentials.
Waiters
Waiter, waiter, just what is this fly doing in my soup?
The breaststroke, sir.
Cowboys
Did you hear about this cowboy whose dog fell over a cliff?
He said, 'Dawg gone.'
Vampires
Why do vampires never get fat?
They eat necks to nothing.
Dogs
Why was the dog unable to talk?
The cat got his tongue.
Kings
Why did King Arthur wear his cloak to the Great Ball, rather than his mantle?
Cause kings go better with cloak!