Trains
What type of trains do ballet dancers ride?
Tutu trains.
Pessimists
How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
None; the old one is probably screwed in too tight.
Daughters
She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still!
Police
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police open the door and let me come in.
Ghosts
Did you hear what happened when the ghosts went on strike?
A skeleton staff took over.
Stupid
Did you hear about the stupid shoplifter?
He was found squashed under a shop.
Students
How many Princeton students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
Credit Cards
Diner: Waiter, can you put this meal on my credit card?
Waiter: Sorry, sir. But I don't think it'll fit.
Christmas
What do male sheep sing at Christmas?
Ewele-tide Carols!