This tramp came to our house asking for food. My mum said, 'I think I'll offer him one of my rock cakes.'
My dad said, 'What harm has he ever done you?'
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Decisions
This is a day for final decisions!
Or is it?
Trousers
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dakota.
Dakota who?
Dakota fits perfectly, but the trousers are too long.
Coffee
Did you hear the story about the cup of coffee?
It's real hot stuff.
Dinosaurs
What do you call a dinosaur that likes to wear a cowboy hat and boots?
Tyrannosaurus Tex.
Doctors
Doctor, doctor. I think that I'm turning into a baby cat.
I think you're just kitten me.
Dogs
What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?
A bud hound.
Mudpack
John: Did the mudpack help your wife's appearance?
Harold: It did for a few days, but then it fell off.
Old
When I get old will the calves on my legs be cows?
Lawyers
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own
pockets.