A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night and told him "there is a burglar downstairs in the kitchen and he is eating the cake that my mother made for us."
The husband said, "who shall I call, the police or an ambulance?"
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Sheep
What do you get if you cross a sheep and a rainstorm?
A wet blanket.
Dogs
What breed of dog sweats the most and drinks a lot of water?
A hot-weiler!
Sings
What is green and sings in the garden?
Elvis Parsley.
Food
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Goblin.
Goblin who?
Goblin down your food will give you a tummy ache.
Doctors
Doctor: Have you ever had this problem before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, you've got it again!
Scotsman
How was the Grand Canyon in America formed?
A Scotsman was there on holiday and dropped a dime.
Deer
What do you get if you teach a deer to be a hairdresser?
A styling mousse.
Beer
Did you hear about the man who fell into a vat of beer?
He came to a bitter end.
Furniture
What are the longest pieces of furniture in a school?
The multiplication tables.