A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night and told him "there is a burglar downstairs in the kitchen and he is eating the cake that my mother made for us."
The husband said, "who shall I call, the police or an ambulance?"
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Pirates
Why did the pirate's phone keep going beep, beep, beep?
Because he had left it off his hook.
Lorry
What do you call a lorry that is full of feet?
A toe truck.
Popeye
Who makes suits and eats spinach?
Popeye the Tailorman.
Scientists
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Doctors
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog.
How long have you felt like this?
Ever since I was a puppy!
Ghosts
Did you hear about the ghost who works at Scotland Yard?
He's the Chief in-spectre.
Fishing
The worst day fishing is better than the best day working
Piano
How do you make a piano laugh?
Tickle its ivories.
Dogs
What dog smells of onions?
A hot dog.