Maths
Why was the maths book looking so sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Jobs
I left my last job because I was told to do something I didn't like.
Really! What was that?
The boss told me to look for another job.
Accountants
Accountant - someone you hire to explain that you didn't make the money you did.
Football
Football is only a game - until your team loses.
Police
Yo' momma's so fat, the local police force hired her to be a roadblock!
Singing
Did you hear about the woman who couldn't find a singing partner?
She ended up buying a duet-your-self kit.
Peanuts
There were these two peanuts walking down the street, and one was assaulted.
Thoughts
I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
Birds
What kind of bird is always on its knees?
A bird of prey.