Aunts
How do you make anti-freeze?
Send her to the North Pole.
Cemetery
'Hi Bob, Where have you been?'
'The cemetery.'
'Oh! Who's dead?'
'They all are.'
Opticians
Did you hear about the optician who tripped over a dog?
He made quite a spectacle of himself.
Sports
What do you call a man with sports equipment on his head?
Jim
Bees
Why is a bee like an insult?
Because both carry a sting!
Husbands
Janet: My husband talks in his sleep.
Mary: Why not take him to the doctor?
Janet: Are you kidding? It's the only time he talks to me.
King Kong
Why did King Kong climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
Dogs
What is the main ingredient of dog biscuits?
Collie flour.
Lose Weight
Each time I manage to lose weight, somehow, it will always find me again.