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Joke Topic - 'Blondes' - 90 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At
Here are 90 jokes on the topic - 'Blondes'.
A blonde goes out and buys a pistol because she has a sneaking suspicion that her boyfriend is cheating on her. She arrives at his place without warning, and as she opens the door, she discovers him cradled in the arms of a woman with fiery red hair. The blonde is irate. When she opens her purse to remove the pistol, she is stricken with grief. She points it at her head. 'No, honey, don't do that!' her boyfriend yells at her. 'Shut up, you're next!' the blonde replies.
A blonde goes to an office for a job interview. The interviewer begins by going over the essentials. "Well, Miss, please tell us how old you are?" The interviewer starts with the basics. 'So, Miss, please tell us your age?'
The blonde takes her time, carefully counting on her fingers for a good thirty seconds before finally answering, 'Ehhhh... 22!'
To break the ice, the interviewer tries another simple question. "And could you please tell us how tall you are?"
The girl gets up and pulls out a measuring tape from her purse. Then she wraps one end of the tape around her foot and pulls it up to her head. She looks at the number and says, "Five foot six!"
Things aren't looking too great, so the interviewer asks some basic questions that the interviewee won't need to think too hard about. 'Just to double-check, could you please provide us with your name?'
The blonde answers, "MANDY!" after bobbling her head back and forth for ten or so seconds while silently mouthing something to herself.
The interviewer seems pretty confused at this point and decides to ask, "What were you up to when I asked for your name?"
'Ohhhh, that!' replies the blonde, 'I was just running through that song - 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'
The blonde takes her time, carefully counting on her fingers for a good thirty seconds before finally answering, 'Ehhhh... 22!'
To break the ice, the interviewer tries another simple question. "And could you please tell us how tall you are?"
The girl gets up and pulls out a measuring tape from her purse. Then she wraps one end of the tape around her foot and pulls it up to her head. She looks at the number and says, "Five foot six!"
Things aren't looking too great, so the interviewer asks some basic questions that the interviewee won't need to think too hard about. 'Just to double-check, could you please provide us with your name?'
The blonde answers, "MANDY!" after bobbling her head back and forth for ten or so seconds while silently mouthing something to herself.
The interviewer seems pretty confused at this point and decides to ask, "What were you up to when I asked for your name?"
'Ohhhh, that!' replies the blonde, 'I was just running through that song - 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'
A blonde is outside when the garbage man comes up the driveway and asks her if 'any garbage today?'
The blonde answers, 'We'll have three bags, please.'
The blonde answers, 'We'll have three bags, please.'
A blonde phones her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.....I have a fantastic jigsaw puzzle, but I can't seem to get started.
Her boyfriend asks, 'What should it be when it's finished?'
The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger.'
Her boyfriend agrees to come over and help with the puzzle. She greets him warmly and guides him to the table where the puzzle is laid out. He examines the pieces for a time, then glances at the box before turning to her and saying,'First and foremost, no matter what we do, we won't be able to assemble these pieces into something like a tiger.' He held her hand and said, 'Second, I'd suggest you relax; let's have a cup of coffee, then ...........' he sighed, 'Put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.'
Her boyfriend asks, 'What should it be when it's finished?'
The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger.'
Her boyfriend agrees to come over and help with the puzzle. She greets him warmly and guides him to the table where the puzzle is laid out. He examines the pieces for a time, then glances at the box before turning to her and saying,'First and foremost, no matter what we do, we won't be able to assemble these pieces into something like a tiger.' He held her hand and said, 'Second, I'd suggest you relax; let's have a cup of coffee, then ...........' he sighed, 'Put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.'
A blonde was getting fed up with all the blonde jokes, so she decided to color her hair brown. After that, she went for a drive in the countryside and saw a shepherd guiding his sheep over the road.
"If I guess the number of sheep here, may I keep one?" she asked the shepherd.
He replied, 'Sure!'
Out of the blue, she blurts out, '352!'
Though shocked, he honors his promise and lets her choose a sheep. She searches and searches till she finds the cutest one.
"If I can guess the true color of your hair, may I please have my dog back?" he asks.
"If I guess the number of sheep here, may I keep one?" she asked the shepherd.
He replied, 'Sure!'
Out of the blue, she blurts out, '352!'
Though shocked, he honors his promise and lets her choose a sheep. She searches and searches till she finds the cutest one.
"If I can guess the true color of your hair, may I please have my dog back?" he asks.
A blonde was heading home when she saw a sign that said, "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES." After driving eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
A blonde was suffering from sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and told her that she had acute appendicitis.
The blonde yelled at the doctor, 'I came here for medical care, not to get a silly compliment!'
The blonde yelled at the doctor, 'I came here for medical care, not to get a silly compliment!'
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were at a dance together. They found an old hag when they checked their makeup in the bathroom. 'I am a witch, and if you look in the mirror and say one rumor that you hear about you, and that rumor is true, then you will get one wish. If it is not true, then you will get sucked into Mirrorland for the rest of eternity. Do you understand?' They all did, and the brunette went first. 'I think I am the prettiest girl at school.'
'That is true. Your wish is granted.' And the brunette left the dance in a red Ferrari. Then came the redhead. 'I think I am the richest girl at school.'
'That is true. Your wish is granted.' And the redhead left the dance with a hot boyfriend. Then came the blonde. 'I think...' Before she could finish, the witch said: 'You lie!!' And she was sucked into the mirror.
'That is true. Your wish is granted.' And the brunette left the dance in a red Ferrari. Then came the redhead. 'I think I am the richest girl at school.'
'That is true. Your wish is granted.' And the redhead left the dance with a hot boyfriend. Then came the blonde. 'I think...' Before she could finish, the witch said: 'You lie!!' And she was sucked into the mirror.
A brunette was walking down the middle of the street bobbing her head, saying '88, 88, 88, 88.' A blonde saw her and asked her why she did it. The brunette said it was fun and that she should try it. So they were both walking down the middle of the street saying '88, 88, 88' All of a sudden a huge semi-truck came along, and the brunette jumped out of the way...
A brunette was walking down the middle of the street bobbing her head saying '89, 89, 89'.
A brunette was walking down the middle of the street bobbing her head saying '89, 89, 89'.
A flight attendant approached a blonde passenger in first class on a flight to New York and politely asked her to transfer to economy as she did not have a first-class ticket. The blonde responded, "I'm not moving. I'm going to New York. I'm blonde and beautiful."
The flight attendant wanted to avoid arguing with a passenger, so she asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He approached the woman and politely requested that she vacate the first-class area.
The blonde repeated herself, saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." Once back in the cockpit, the co-pilot sought the captain's advice.
'I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to deal with this,' declared the captain. He approached the blonde in the first-class section and whispered in her ear. Ignoring herself, she leaped to her feet. She hurried to the economic section, asking herself, 'Why didn't someone just say so?'
The flight attendant and the co-pilot were taken aback, curious about what he had said to her that had finally persuaded her to change seats.
He said, 'I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York.'
The flight attendant wanted to avoid arguing with a passenger, so she asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He approached the woman and politely requested that she vacate the first-class area.
The blonde repeated herself, saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." Once back in the cockpit, the co-pilot sought the captain's advice.
'I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to deal with this,' declared the captain. He approached the blonde in the first-class section and whispered in her ear. Ignoring herself, she leaped to her feet. She hurried to the economic section, asking herself, 'Why didn't someone just say so?'
The flight attendant and the co-pilot were taken aback, curious about what he had said to her that had finally persuaded her to change seats.
He said, 'I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York.'
A girl was on the highway going to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said, "DISNEYLAND LEFT." After some thought, she told herself, "Oh well." So she turned around and drove home.
A girl was showing off how well she knew the names of state capitals. "Go ahead and ask me; I know all of them," she says with pride. "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" asks a friend.
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'