A duck walks into bar,
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: no
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: no...
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: NO
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: NOOOOO!!!!!
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: If you ask that one more time I'm going to nail your bill to the counter.
Duck: got any nails?
Bartender: NO
Duck: got any bread?
A horse walks into a bar, he sits down and the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"
Then a second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to it's head, he sits down, and the bartender says, "I don't mind the long face, but don't u go and try to start anything!"
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Apathy
Apathy rules - so what?
Rabbits
What do you call a rabbit who is really cool?
A hip hopper.
Boyfriend
Mary: My boyfriend has a very nice personality.
Jane: My boyfriend's not very handsome either.
Vegetables
Which vegetable goes best with jacket potatoes?
Button mushrooms.
Stealing
The man said, 'My problem is I keep stealing things.'
My brother said, 'You'd better take something for that.'
Teddy Bears
What do you call a teddy bear that becomes a member of parliament?
Elected.
Money
My brother said, 'I'm going to become a forger. I'm going to make some big money.'
I said, 'Don't make it too big or someone'll notice.'
Drums
The first thing a child learns when he gets a drum is that he'll never get another one.
Elephants
Why do elephants have big ears?
Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.