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Joke Topic - 'Bars'


Here are 20 jokes on the topic - 'Bars'.

Related Topics: Barman (5) Bartenders (2) Bartender (2) Beer (14) Drunks (17) Drunk (6)
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A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on.
The woman reporter shouted out "A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!". Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, "I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump!" The blonde responds back "That's a bet you have there!".
So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said "I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin', I knew he was gonna jump off that there cliff."
And the blonde says "Well, I did too! But I never would have thought that the man would do it again!"
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A cheese sandwich goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry: we don't serve food here."
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A man and a giraffe walked into a bar. The man asked for a drink and one for the giraffe. They drank it and had another one, then another and another. The man got up and went to walk out, the giraffe tried to follow and fell over. The bar man said don't leave that lying round here and the man said, it's not a lion, its a giraffe.
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A man and tall brown bear wearing a hat go into a bar.
Man: I'll have a pint of beer, and the bear'll have a large Matabooboo.
Bartender: What's a Matabooboo?
Bear: Nuttin' Yogi.
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A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look really sad. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in just three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"
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A man is standing drinking at the bar when the man next to him whispers, 'do you want to buy any pirate DVD's?'
'No thanks, I hate Treasure Island.'
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A man walks into a bar and asks the barman, 'Was I in here last night?'
'You certainly were,' replies the barman.
'And did I spend a lot of money?'
'You spent over £100', replies the barman.
'Thank god for that,' says the man, 'I thought I'd wasted it.'
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A man walks into a bar! ouch!!!
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A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him. "You, sir, are drunk!"
"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"
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A pie walks into a bar and asks the bar owner if he can have a pint of beer and a packet of crisps. The bar owner replies and says, sorry we don't serve food.

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