A barber nicked a customer rather badly while giving him a shave. Hoping to make amends, the barber asked, 'Do you want your head wrapped in a towel?'
'No thanks,' replied the customer. I'll carry it home under my arm!'
How does a barber cut the moon's hair?
Eclipse it.
Johnny wanted to look suave for the local dance, so he slipped into the local barbershop. 'I want a Tony Curtis haircut.'
So Taffy started trimming around the back with the clippers. Then he started going higher and higher with them till Johnny started to get a bit worried. But like most barbers, this one had verbal diarrhea and was yapping nonstop about movies and movie stars. 'Yeah, I like Tony Curtis too.' as he trimmed up and over Johnny's ears. 'Wasn't he great in 'The King and I'?'
What do you call a barber who cuts hair in a library?
A barbarian!!
Why do ex-barbers make such good parcel delivery drivers?
They know all the shortcuts.
Christmas
Why does Father Christmas go down chimneys?
Because they soot him.
Eggs
Diner: Waiter, these eggs are runny.
Waiter: Why do you say that, sir?
Because one just ran out the door.
Elephants
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish?
A pair of swimming trunks.
Turkeys
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of foul play.
Teenagers
The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
Lawyers
What's the difference between lawyers and vultures?
Lawyers accumulate frequent-flier points.
Barmen
What did the barman say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?
Olive or twist?
Fishing
'I went fly-fishing yesterday.'
'Did you catch anything?'
'Yes, a bluebottle.'
Blondes
Did you hear about the blonde housewife who was mad at her husband because he was out shooting craps, and she didn't know how to cook them?