I went to a local bank to discuss my finances with the the bank manager, but he suddenly started hitting me and refused to stop, so I asked him to leave me a loan.
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Lose Weight
Each time I manage to lose weight somehow it is always able to find me again.
Computers
Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Cold
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ahab.
Ahab who?
Ahab a cold in my nose.
Teddy Bear
What do you call a happy teddy bear?
Content-ted.
Dentists
Did you hear about the dentist and the manicurist?
They are always fighting tooth and nail.
Teachers
Teacher: Take this sentence: "I don't have no fun at the weekend." How should I correct this?
Pupil: Perhaps you could try and find a boyfriend.
Drunks
Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
Easy
What is easy to get into but hard to get out of?
Trouble.
Idiot
Did you hear about the idiot who planted pennies in his garden?
He wanted to raise some hard cash.