Joke Topic - 'Bad Advice'

Exits are on the way out

Why is an astronaut like an American footballer?
They both like to make safe touch-downs.

I've got a bad stomach.
Well just keep your coat on and on one will notice.

Why did the truck driver drive his truck off the cliff?
He wanted to try out the air brakes.

A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.

You know you're overweight and need to diet when your knees buckle but your belt won't.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who?
Gee, I didn't know you knew how to yodel.

Bill: So your son is at college. . . what's he going to be when he gets through?
Father: A pensioner.

How did your mom know that you didn't wash your face?
I forgot to wet the soap.