Husbands
Did you hear about the husband who took his wife for some plastic surgery?
He had her credit cards removed!
Bankrupt
Did you hear about the guy who went bankrupt in the laundry business?
He said he was all washed up.
Professors
Old professors never die. They just lose their faculties.
Birds
Does your pet bird ever wonder why you're sitting there, staring at the carpeting, when you're reading the newspaper?
Ghosts
Did you hear about the Hungarian ghost?
He preferred ghoulash.
Doctors
I went to the doctor; it was pretty serious. He gave me six months to live. But he gave me another six months when I couldn't pay his bill.
Eggs
What did the egg in the monastery say?
'Out of the frying pan, into the friar.'
Trousers
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dakota.
Dakota who?
Dakota fits perfectly, but the trousers are too long.
Bosses
When you take a stand about something, you're just being stubborn.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.