Cereal
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
Eggs
When is an egg just like a losing team?
When it is being beaten.
Hotels
Hotel Porter: 'May I carry your bag, sir?'
Hotel Guest: 'No, that won't be necessary; my wife is perfectly capable of walking.'
Snowmen
Where do snowmen go to dance?
To snowballs.
Difficult
Why is it so difficult to drive a golf ball?
It doesn't have a steering wheel!
Today
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Whatcha.
Whatcha who?
Whatcha going to do today?
Lawyers
What's a good example of a missed opportunity?
A bus-load of lawyers going over a cliff with one empty seat.
Count Dracula
What does Count Dracula like to do every morning at eleven?
Take a coffin-break.
Bosses
When you take a stand about something, you're just being stubborn.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.