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Joke Topic - 'Attorneys' - 2 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At
A farmer walked into a lawyer's office wanting to file for a divorce. The lawyer asked, 'May I help you?'
The farmer said, 'Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.'
The lawyer said, 'Well, do you have any grounds?'
The farmer said, 'Yea, I got about 140 acres.' The lawyer said, 'No, you don't understand, do you have a case?'
The farmer said, 'No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere.'
The attorney said, 'No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?'
The farmer said, 'Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere tractor.'
The lawyer said, 'No sir, I mean do you have a suit?'
The farmer said, 'Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.'
The exasperated lawyer said, 'Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?'
The farmer said, 'No sir, we both get up about 4:30.'
Finally, the lawyer says, 'Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?'
And the farmer says, 'Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.'
The farmer said, 'Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.'
The lawyer said, 'Well, do you have any grounds?'
The farmer said, 'Yea, I got about 140 acres.' The lawyer said, 'No, you don't understand, do you have a case?'
The farmer said, 'No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere.'
The attorney said, 'No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?'
The farmer said, 'Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere tractor.'
The lawyer said, 'No sir, I mean do you have a suit?'
The farmer said, 'Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.'
The exasperated lawyer said, 'Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?'
The farmer said, 'No sir, we both get up about 4:30.'
Finally, the lawyer says, 'Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?'
And the farmer says, 'Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.'
Years ago, a long-standing customer of the business was accused of robbery, and a junior partner in the legal office was dispatched to defend him in a distant state. The client was found not guilty and discharged following several days of trial. The lawyer, full of excitement at his win, telegraphed the firm, saying, 'Justice prevailed.'
The senior partner replied in haste: 'Appeal immediately.'
The senior partner replied in haste: 'Appeal immediately.'
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Politicians
It's tough being a politician. Lying destroys half your reputation, and the truth destroys the other half!
Rabbits
What do you get if you pour warm water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
Hot cross bunnies.
Rich
How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?
She says, 'Daddy, I want a new apartment.'
She says, 'Daddy, I want a new apartment.'
Christmas
How do cats greet each other at Christmas?
'I wish you a furry merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.'
'I wish you a furry merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.'
Eyes
Eye drops off the shelf
Snowmen
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
Frostbite.
Witches
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying on their broomsticks?
They use scare spray.
They use scare spray.
Gorillas
'Would you rather a lion ate you or a gorilla?'
'I would rather the lion ate the gorilla.'
'I would rather the lion ate the gorilla.'
Ghosts
What is a ghost-proof bicycle?
One with no spooks on the wheels.
One with no spooks on the wheels.