A man was boasting to his friend, 'You know, I am a well-known antique collector.'
His friend replied,' Yes, I know, I've seen your wife.'
A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, 'When I was in here last week, I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it.'
'Sorry,' replied the owner, but I can't sell you that.'
'Why not asked the customer?'
'Because that's my husband.'
Many Antiques At Senior Citizens' Sale
This antique dealer was trying to sell a man a skull. He said, 'It's Oliver Cromwell's skull, you know.'
The man said, 'It can't be; it's not big enough.'
The dealer said, 'It's Cromwell's skull when he was a little boy.'
Two rich young women, Tina and Buffy, were watching a TV show about the French Revolution. 'There's one thing that puzzles me,' Buffy said, 'If they were so poor, how could they afford all of that antique furniture?'
What do you call a ninety-year-old ant?
An antique.
Bees
Name the bees' favorite pop star.
Sting.
Girlfriends
When I asked my girlfriend if I could see her home, she handed me a picture of it.
Lawyers
What should you do if you find three lawyers who have been buried up to their necks in cement?
Run and find some more cement!
Fleas
How do fleas go on vacation?
They itchhike.
Data
Who is Great Britain's data compression hero?
Jack the Zipper
Children
Do you have any grandchildren?
No, all my children are just ordinary.
Bark
What has a bark but no bite?
A tree.
Fools
Are you trying to make a fool out of me?
No, I never like to interfere with nature.
Dracula
Why did Dracula's wife leave him?
Because he was a pain in the neck.