A man was boasting to his friend, 'You know, I am a well-known antique collector.'
His friend replied,' Yes, I know, I've seen your wife.'
A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, 'When I was in here last week, I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it.'
'Sorry,' replied the owner, but I can't sell you that.'
'Why not asked the customer?'
'Because that's my husband.'
Many Antiques At Senior Citizens' Sale
This antique dealer was trying to sell a man a skull. He said, 'It's Oliver Cromwell's skull, you know.'
The man said, 'It can't be; it's not big enough.'
The dealer said, 'It's Cromwell's skull when he was a little boy.'
Two rich young women, Tina and Buffy, were watching a TV show about the French Revolution. 'There's one thing that puzzles me,' Buffy said, 'If they were so poor, how could they afford all of that antique furniture?'
What do you call a ninety-year-old ant?
An antique.
Ghosts
Did you hear about the ghost who visited Africa on safari last year?
He was a big-game haunter.
Moon
What do you call tiny bugs that live on the moon?
Luna ticks!
Polar Bears
What do you call a polar bear who has lost all his teeth?
A gummy bear.
Lawyers
Where there's a will, there's a happy Lawyer!
Exams
What is black and white and hard all over?
An exam paper.
Catch
What do we often catch but never see?
A passing remark.
Dogs
What kind of dog is good at looking after children?
A baby setter.
Apes
What tool does an ape use to fix a leaking tap?
A monkey wrench.
Oranges
Patient: Doctor, I feel like an orange!
Doctor: Have you tried playing squash?