Lawyers
What's the difference between lawyers and vultures?
Lawyers accumulate frequent-flier points.
Mother-in-law
'Oh, Nigel, I hear you buried your mother-in-law last week.'
'Had to... she was dead.'
Pigs
Why didn't the piglets want to listen to their grandfather when he told them a story?
Because he was an old bore.
Bees
What do you call a bee that's had a spell cast on him?
Bee-witched.
Lightbulbs
One.
How many mind-readers does it take to change a light bulb? - think about it!
Lightbulbs
How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. As he grasps the bulb, the entire universe spins around him.
Lawyers
What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
Retired.
Kidnappers
Did you hear about the kidnapping?
He woke up.
Pigs
What is pink and goes 'knio, knio?'
A backward pig.