A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by
the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3
minutes," replied the pilot.
"That's too much," said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal.
If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the
ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."
The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they
landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for
not making a sound. You are a brave man."
"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed
when my wife fell out."
If tires hold up cars, what holds up airplanes?
Hijackers.

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York
and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.
The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.
He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a dog?
An animal that likes to chase low flying aeroplanes.
What is red and green and jumps out of airplanes?
A parrot-trooper.
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Lawyers
Lawyers don't give bad advice - they charge for it.
Lawyers
Why did the cucumber hire a lawyer?
Because it was in a pickle.
Divorce
We decided to get married on Friday the 13th. if things don't work out at least we'll have something to blame the divorce on.
Witches
Why was the witch drinking lots of water?
She was going through a dry spell.
Slept
Jess: I haven't slept for days and I'm still not tired!
Wess: That's incredible! How do you do it?
Jess: I sleep nights!
Blondes
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
Passengers
Passengers hit by cancelled trains
Ghosts
Where did the ghost go for lunch?
Pizza Haunt.
Cannibals
Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
Because he kept buttering up the teacher.