Hotels
The one good thing you can say about the food in our vacation hotel is that at least they're considerate enough to give you only small portions.
Work
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Christmas Trees
He's not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
Fools
Are you trying to make a fool out of me?
No, I never like to interfere with nature.
Marriage
Wife: Why did you come home at 4 am this morning?
Husband: Where else can you go at 4 in the morning in this town?
Pigs
Why is ink like a pig?
They both can be found in a pen.
License
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Astronauts
What does an astronaut do in the morning before he puts on his clothes?
He takes a meteor shower.
Owls
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Owl.
Owl who?
Owl aboard!