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Funny Answering Machine Messages
Here is our selection of funny, amusing and strange joke answering machine messages. There are 78 jokes in this category.
This is page 1 of 7. Showing jokes 1 to 12
Hey there! I'm currently at home, but I'm having trouble locating the phone. Feel free to leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I locate it.
Hey there! John's answering machine isn't working. This is his fridge. Can you please speak a bit slower? I'll just use one of these magnets to keep your message handy.
'Hi. Now you say something.'
Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?
Hi, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine disappeared along with her tape deck, so I'm stuck accepting her calls. Say, if you want something cooked as you leave a message, simply hold it up to the phone.
Good day. It is a machine that you are speaking to. I am able to receive messages. My owners have clean carpets and don't require windows, siding, or a hot tub. They don't want their photo taken, and they donate to charities via the workplace. Leave your name and phone number if you're still with me, and they will contact you.
We appreciate your call at 434-2322. Now press 1 on your touch-tone phone to speak with Tim. Press 2 on your touch-tone phone immediately to speak with Lynn. Now press 3 on your touch-tone phone if you have dialed the wrong number. All of this button-pushing is pointless, but it's a nice way to release steam and gives you the impression that we have a sophisticated phone system.
This is the answering machine of Judy Williams. After the audio has been doctored, your message will be brought to the notice of the FBI and will implicate you in a federal crime. All you need to do is give your name and number.
(Very quickly:) Hello, 904-4344 here. Please wait for the tone before leaving a message. To record your name and number, please push the pound sign, dial your name, press the three, press the six, and finally call your number. Press the star, select 6, ask for extension 4443, and then type your name and a brief note if that's all you want to leave. Please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, shout loudly, and BEEP if you would like to leave your number and the time you phoned.
Hey there! Just wanted to let you know that this isn't your typical answering machine. It's actually a super cool telepathic thought-recording device! Once you've finished contemplating your name, purpose for calling, and a suitable contact number, I'll consider getting back to you.
I have amnesia and feel awkward talking to people I don't remember, therefore I can't come to the phone right now. Please provide my name and a little introduction of myself if you could. I would really appreciate it. Many thanks.
As I am currently printing a brand new batch of twenty dollar bills, I am unable to come to the phone right now. I am currently located in the basement. I would appreciate it if you could leave your name, phone number, and the amount of cash you require after the tone. This is required whether you are in need of any money or simply want to look at my work. In the event that you are a representative of the Department of the Treasury, kindly disregard this message.