Funny Answering Machine Messages - Page 5

"Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done .... {Cachunk!}"

"Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm *so* depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, yet all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep."

"At the sound of the tone, you will be charged $10 for the first minute and $2 for each additional minute. Please leave your name, phone number and a message. You may call as often as you wish."

(click) "You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation, however our staff of professional extortionists will be contacting you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you." (BEEEEEEEEEEEP)

Hi, this is Jim. Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answering machine for only $9.95 per minute! Please leave your credit card number at the tone...

This is you-know who.
We are you-know-where.
Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

"Bridge, Kirk here."

"This is the City Morgue, you kill 'em, we chill 'em You stab 'em, we slab 'em!"