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British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 20


More of our British style of humour

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British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories
A poor little East End kid was taken away to the country for his first holiday and as he got out of the train at his destination he looked around in bewilderment. 'Blimeyl What a lot of grass to keep off.'
British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories
Two seagulls were flying over the beach at a seaside resort one boiling hot August Bank Holiday afternoon. Every way they looked, there were so many people there wasn't a speck of sand to be seen.
'Ah,' said one to the other contemptuously, 'takes all the skill out of it, doesn't it?'
British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories
King Henry VIII called in the executioner.
He said, 'What do you charge to do an execution?'
The executioner said, 'A pound sir.'
The King said, 'And what if I wanted to have all my six wives done at the same time?'
The executioner said, 'Well in that case it'd be 60p a head.'
British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories
Why do elephants have big ears?
Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.
British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories
A man once walked into a shop which sold musical instruments and bought a very expensive mouthorgan. As the shopkeeper wrapped up the purchase he said, 'You know is this is quite amazing. We normally don't sell many mouth organs, but this is the second one I've sold today.
'Oh,' said the customer, 'that must have been our Monka.'
British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories
Two men met each other on the beach at Majorca.
One looked at the other and asked, 'Are you brown from the sun?'
'No,' replied the other, 'I'm Smith from The Times.'


Here are some randomly selected jokes from other categories

Programmers

Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand

Graduates

Q: What do you say to an Arts graduate with a job?
A: I'll have a hamburger please.

Golf

My brother went to the doctor's and said, 'Some days, I think I'm a golf ball.'
The doctor said, 'Well you've come a fair way to see me...'

Listening

Of course I'm listening to you don't you see me yawning?

Data

Who is France's data compression hero?
Joan of ARC...

Complain

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

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