British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 18

Definition of a "commentator" - an average potato.

There was a man who painted rabbits all over his bald head.
Claimed they looked like hares from a distance.

What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France????
Linoleum blown-apart.

Did you hear about the 2 men from the monastery who opened up a fast food seafood restaurant?
One was the fish friar, and the other was the chip monk.

The famous Statesman, William Penn, had two old aunts named Natalie and Ellie who were great at baking pies. But, alas, they got greedy and raised the prices up and up till all the people in Quakertown were talking about the pie rates of Penn's aunts.

An intrepid photographer went to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost which was said to appear only once in a hundred years. Not wanting to frighten off the ghost, the photographer sat in the dark until midnight when the apparition became visible. The ghost turned out to be friendly and consented to pose for one snapshot. The happy photographer popped a bulb into his camera and took the picture. After dashing into his studio, the photographer developed the negative and groaned. It was underexposed and completely blank. The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.

We were all in a car and it wouldn't start, so I told everyone to be quiet, and then it started right up! Why??
Cause it goes without saying...

Denial: A river in Egypt!

Coincide: What you do when it starts to rain!

Bacteria: The rear portion of the cafeteria!