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British Humour - Page 12 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
More of our British style of humour
This is page 12 of 22. Showing jokes 133 to 144
What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game? 'Sorry, it was a freak hic.'
What purrs quietly along the road and leaves holes in your lawn?
A Moles Royce.
A Moles Royce.
Where did the dog breeder deposit his savings?
In Bark-lays Bank.
In Bark-lays Bank.
What did Brian say when he wanted his older brother to stop holding his plastic building bricks?
Lego.
Lego.
What is short and green and goes camping?
A new boy scout.
A new boy scout.
Do you have any grandchildren?
No, all my children are just ordinary.
No, all my children are just ordinary.
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, 'You can't bring that dog in here!' The guy, without missing a beat, says, 'This is my guide dog.' 'Oh man, ' the bartender says, 'I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me.' The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guy sees him, stops him, and says, 'You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a guide dog.' The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says, 'Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!'
The second man replies, 'This is my guide dog.' The bartender says, 'No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as guide dogs.' The man pauses for a half-second and replies, 'What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?'
Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guy sees him, stops him, and says, 'You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a guide dog.' The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says, 'Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!'
The second man replies, 'This is my guide dog.' The bartender says, 'No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as guide dogs.' The man pauses for a half-second and replies, 'What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?'
King Henry VIII called in the executioner. He said, 'What do you charge to do an execution?'
The executioner said, 'A pound, sir.'
The King said, 'And what if I wanted to have all my six wives done at the same time?'
The executioner said, 'Well, in that case, it'd be 60p a head.'
The executioner said, 'A pound, sir.'
The King said, 'And what if I wanted to have all my six wives done at the same time?'
The executioner said, 'Well, in that case, it'd be 60p a head.'
Sailor (on radio): Hello, coastguard, my boat has just sunk.
Coastguard: Capsize?
Sailor: six and seven-eighths.
Coastguard: Capsize?
Sailor: six and seven-eighths.
What is furry, white, and smells of peppermint?
A polo bear.
A polo bear.
When angels go fishing, what kind of fish do they catch?
Holy mackerels.
Holy mackerels.
What is the name of the dessert that is always complaining?
Apple grumble.
Apple grumble.